I've fallen into this lost ocean in your caramel covered eyes,
Trapped beneath the starlight of your smile.
It's hard to catch a breath beneath the rising of your heartbeat,
And I'm not begging for my life,
You've already rescued mine.
You're the one that I longed for night and day,
You're the arms that God wrapped me in when I would pray,
You're the music inside me, and the reason I can say
You're the one.
I'm swept up into the rolling wings of a million butterflies;
Both my feet are lifted from the ground.
Storms are like the coolness of a gentle summer rain,i
And I rest my weary head in the love you hold inside.
You're the one that I longed for night and day,
You're the arms that God wrapped me in when I would pray,
You're the music inside me, and the reason I can say
You're the one.
You're the one reaching out when I'm calling,
Picks me up from my knees when I'm falling,
Gives me breath in my lungs when we kiss and make up,
You're the reason I know love's alive.
You're the one.
(Written for the woman that brought me true joy from our Saving God,
To Amanda Lynn for six months of blessings I never before new existed,
with many years to come,
Thank you for being the one)
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
We Chose This For Ourselves
All of this controversy about laws on gun control, marriage, health care, taxes, and employment conditions all remind me of a warning given to us when we first decided God was not good enough to be our King. Let this be a reminder; we chose this for ourselves.
But when they said, “Give us a king to lead us,” this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the Lord. And the Lord told him: “Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king. As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you. Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will claim as his rights.” Samuel told all the words of the Lord to the people who were asking him for a king. He said, “This is what the king who will reign over you will claim as his rights: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. Your male and female servants and the best of your cattle and donkeys he will take for his own use. He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, but the Lord will not answer you in that day.” But the people refused to listen to Samuel. “No!” they said. “We want a king over us. Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles.” When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the Lord. The Lord answered, “Listen to them and give them a king.” Then Samuel said to the Israelites, “Everyone go back to your own town.”
- 1 Samuel 8:6-22
God gave us freedom from slavery and oppression. He led our ancestors through a deserted land, provided for their needs all the way, performed miracles to protect them from their enemies, and gave them ten simple ways to live an orderly and peacefully loving life. To our ancestors this wasn't good enough.
We are a selfish people that wanted one of our own selfish people to have kingship over us, and we continue to desire the same today. Why are we so surprised at the results? We were warned about this by the one True King that we rejected. Whether we call him king, commander in chief, emperor, dictator, president, or the like, we chose this for ourselves.
But God has the answers.
But when they said, “Give us a king to lead us,” this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the Lord. And the Lord told him: “Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king. As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you. Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will claim as his rights.” Samuel told all the words of the Lord to the people who were asking him for a king. He said, “This is what the king who will reign over you will claim as his rights: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. Your male and female servants and the best of your cattle and donkeys he will take for his own use. He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, but the Lord will not answer you in that day.” But the people refused to listen to Samuel. “No!” they said. “We want a king over us. Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles.” When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the Lord. The Lord answered, “Listen to them and give them a king.” Then Samuel said to the Israelites, “Everyone go back to your own town.”
- 1 Samuel 8:6-22
God gave us freedom from slavery and oppression. He led our ancestors through a deserted land, provided for their needs all the way, performed miracles to protect them from their enemies, and gave them ten simple ways to live an orderly and peacefully loving life. To our ancestors this wasn't good enough.
We are a selfish people that wanted one of our own selfish people to have kingship over us, and we continue to desire the same today. Why are we so surprised at the results? We were warned about this by the one True King that we rejected. Whether we call him king, commander in chief, emperor, dictator, president, or the like, we chose this for ourselves.
But God has the answers.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
SHE SAID YES!
Lately, my blog has been more focused on other's testimonies and how everyone inspires me, but this time I have to rejoice for the huge blessing God has brought to my life. Blogger world, I am OFFICIALLY engaged!
I know it's the real deal because every proposal story I know of that lasts starts out as a "perfect" plan and ends up chock full of unpredicted obstacles. Amanda and I's story is filled with them from beginning to end; that's what makes our story that much more unique and unforgettable! If you'd rather not read about it I suggest taking your mouse or fingertip off the scroll button, because this one is for the books!
Amanda and I had been talking about taking the next step in our relationship for a while, so I really wanted to make our proposal special. Her family are MAJOR ice hockey fans and had been waiting very patiently for the NHL hockey season to get back into the swing of things. I had only been to one game in my entire life, and that was because a friend of mine treated me to a couple of tickets over a year ago when I was working for Bluedog Publishing, signing sponsors for a children's Christian values book distribution organization. In any case, taking Amanda to a Saint Louis Blues NHL Hockey game was definitely on the top of my list! One night, early last week, I asked Amanda which team she would love to see the Blues play against. I already had it up on my phone to order tickets from Stubhub.com; Blues vs. Kings would have been a great game and would give me plenty of preparation time, but I was really hoping she wouldn't know much about the Nashville Predators because they were going up against St Louis the next week!
"Oh, for sure the Nashville Predators!"
Great...her family had lived there for a short period of time, and come to find out, her father just so happened to be a Predators fan. She knew a LOT about them.
Obviously, I ordered the tickets.
The next step was ordering the ring. I had previously took her ring window shopping, so I had a list of ideas and what she liked. None of the choices really combined all that she wanted, but there was one that really made her eyes look like they'd just caught Jupiter and Saturn and spun them together into a masterpiece work of art greater than anything Monet or Michelangelo could have captured on canvas. As I walked in to the jeweler, I noticed they had just got a new design in for Valentine's Day. Low and behold, there before me was the ring that combined the heart shaped diamond that captured that look in her eyes with the thinnest, most delicate diamond lined band that would look perfect for any princess to wear, along with everything else on her list of what she loved in an engagement ring! No matter what, that one had to be the one, and I placed the order! Not to mention that by purchasing the ring, I could also get this gorgeous heart shaped necklace as a gift to go with it!
"What size?"
Wait...ok, I didn't think of that. How would one go about getting a ring size with such short notice??? Call her mom? Nope; Amanda never gave me her home phone number because she's hardly ever there, and only her dad has a cell phone...of which I don't have either. Sneak one of her other rings and have the jeweler size it? No time! If I wait another day, it won't be done in time for game day! The only option I have is to flat out ask her for it...and that's when the idea hit me.
Amanda answers her phone, "Hi Boo, what's up!?"
My idea in action, "Hey Sugarbean! I'm at the Christian bookstore looking for ideas of what to get you for Valentine's Day. Don't get any ideas, but...what did you say your ring size was again?"
What?!? Tim! What were you thinking?!? Don't get any ideas?!? As if that won't automatically give it away! And did you just lie about being in a Christian bookstore? Of all the places to make up, you had to chose a Christian bookstore?!? This can't end well...
"Oh, sure. 4 3/4."
It worked? IT WORKED!
So far so good! Ring ordered, necklace as a gift to top it off, tickets for Tuesday night's game are ready to go. Smooth sailing from here!
On Monday, I picked up the ring order. It looked amazing, and I knew it would look even more amazing on Amanda's finger!
Now I knew how important it was for me to ask for her parents' blessing, but more importantly her father's. Since Tuesday night was the big game, I didn't have much time! Monday night was pretty much the only option I had to sit down with Kim and David to talk with them about how much their daughter had changed my life, how I felt like I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and ask to become a part of their family. What was perfect was that Amanda wanted to watch the two hour special of NBC's The Bachelor, so while at her house I could find the opportunity to ask her mom if I could talk with her and her husband when David got home from work!
Time passes by, and The Bachelor stirs up more drama than the bubblies in a giant vat of boiling water, but no David.
The show ends and Amanda's dad still hasn't gotten home... "Hey! Let's watch Ratatouille!" - that was my immediate reaction to stretch the time even further in hopes to catch another opportunity. All of a sudden Amanda and her mother walks up to me after talking a bit, oblivious to my mission, and lets me know that David isn't feeling the best and wants to head straight to bed when he gets home, and out of respect Amanda decides we should call it an early night!
I'm frantic - heart racing like The Secretariat - as Amanda and I walk out to my car.
Now what do i do?!? Her dad goes in to work at noon; that's my deadline to get his blessing, otherwise this perfect plan for a proposal has to be put on hold. Immediately I initiate an impromptu plan B!
"Amanda, what if I were to propose to you one day and afterwards we go as a couple to talk with your parents and ask for their blessing together?"
This plan was fail proof! I also feel like asking the parent's blessing is important in moving forward in a relationship, and the idea of doing it together seemed extremely beautiful! Then Amanda pours her feelings out to me about how much it means to her that her future husband would go out of his way to ask for her father's blessing before ever proposing to her...and i could see it in her eyes as I wiped her passionate tears from her cheeks that my plan B was not as perfect as I thought it was.
Monday night has come to an end. My heart begins pumping something other than blood...I'm pretty sure it was all the air around me because there was none left for me to breathe.
I pull up to my house and sit with the radio off for about 15 minutes trying to come up with something. Finally, out of desperation, I decide to call Amanda's house and ask her parents for a time to talk in the morning. That's when it occurs to me that Amanda has never given me her home number, nor her Dad's number! Google quickly became my friend. I went into creeper mode for a second to look up her parents' names, and found their listing in the White Pages of YellowBook! I took one really deep breath, grasping for any ounce of air I could find, and called the number...not knowing one word of what to say if anyone were to answer, and what do you know?...
No answer.
...and the voicemail was an automated man saying simply, "No one is available at this number, please leave a message." I hung up. I didn't even know if the number I received was actually their number - and that was definitely not David's voice! The night had come and it was time to call it a night.
Tuesday morning, I woke up with one thing on my mind. If I didn't do something, I would have to wait longer to ask the woman that I love to spend the rest of my life with me. Why should one have to wait for something like that, especially when they know it's only by God that it was even possible to begin with!? I decided to call the mystery number again and after the third attempt, left a voicemail simply saying, "Kim and David, first I hope and pray that David is feeling better this morning, I have something very important I need to talk to you about. If there is any way possible we can meet please give me a call.", and left my number for them.
I had no clue if some random person I didn't know would get that message and be completely confused, but it had to be done.
Then I went to the mall to walk around and take my mind off of it for a while. I stopped in Journeys and asked my co-workers for advice - I work with a wide range of cultures and personalities, so it's a great group of people to get ideas from! I didn't have much time left so one idea I was having was to simply go to their house, knock on the door, and surprise them with the question. That idea was immediately shut down by everyone I brought it up to, including my mom when I texted her and asked if it was kosher. Everyone's reply was that I needed to be respectful and schedule a time to talk with them in person. That option was an hour and a half away from being impossible. Noticing that walking around the mall was not helping my racing heart, i drove to where Amanda lives and sat a few blocks away from her house to figure out what to do, and the last thing i could think of was to write her Dad a letter.
I searched around my car for one of the notebooks I usually have lying around for when I need something to write lyrics for new music down on, but this day, of all days, was the day I wouldn't be able to find one. Then I spotted it. The box of resume paper sticking out from under a coat in the back seat from when Fiat had asked for my application! That piece of parchment became the lifesaver for me that day! I poured out my heart in a page and a half, and with 30 minutes to spare I secured it under the windshield wipers of David's car for him to find on his way to work. My only option left was to leave everything else in God's hands, and I prayed.
I spent the next couple of hours sitting in a Jack In The Box, slowly eating my new addiction of .99 cent tacos while trying to be content with just presenting Amanda with the necklace as a promise to my commitment to her and enjoying our first hockey game together, and when I became settled in letting God have control...the phone rang!
Amanda's Mom, Kim, had called to apologize for not hearing the phone ring earlier and to let me know how excited she was to be able to call me her son-in-law! It hit me then that I was no longer simply attracted to a woman that had become my bet friend, but that I would be becoming a new part of her family! I couldn't keep my smile down as she told me the family loves me and that David would be calling me in about ten minutes!
Right when Kim had said her goodbye, Amanda calls in. At this point in time, I have about 8 minutes left before David is suppose to call, and Amanda cannot know what's going on, nor would it be a good thing for me to miss her Dad's call! I frantically try my best to kindly make our chat a short one and let her know I can't wait to see her later. As soon as our conversation ends, David's number shows up on my iPhone 4.
This is it. The moment of all moments. My heart is leaping out of my chest and everyone at Jack In the Box probably thinks those tacos are causing me heart failure.
The call was amazing! David tells me how thankful he was for the letter, and that he actually prefers talking to me about this over the phone and receiving my promise through the written word! He wanted to make it short before he went in to work, "Of course we would be honored for you to marry our daughter, and you have our blessing!" Then he jokingly ended with this, "...but you can only propose tonight if the Nashville Predators win against the Saint Louis Blues!"
I felt like I had just been dropped out of an airplane and fallen onto a planet made of memory foam pillows!
I breathed a huge sigh of relief and began to put everything together for a perfect evening. In a few hours, I'd be engaged to the love of my life!
After picking up my girlfriend, we headed to the Scott Trade Center for the game. The Blues were going to win for sure tonight! Everything was turning out so perfect! They bursted onto the ice with such excitement that everyone rose to their feet in cheer. Moments into the game, Amanda looks at me, gives me a kiss, and says, "This is the best game I've ever been to because you're here with me." To show their appreciation for us being their, the Blues start out by almost knocking the puck into their own goal.
That's when I realize this day of adventure is nowhere near over. The Blues have been having an amazing season so far, but this night they had shown up for wrong game. I think for a moment they thought they were playing life fooseball with how they maneuvered around. The final score was Predators - 6, Blues - 1. Amanda said it was the worst she had ever seen them play, but we had a great time hanging out anyway.
Now that the game was over, it was time for the second phase of the night to begin, and not short of even more surprises. On the way to the car, I realize that I had hid the ring in the center console of the car to keep it safe and out of view of the windows, which is a terrible place to get it out without Amanda seeing it. To create a distraction, I ask her if she's had a good evening, she says yes!, and I tell her the night is not over. She smiles really big as I ask her to put on her other coat because we are going to be outside for a little bit when we get where we are going. As she turns around, I reach in the console to move the ring to my coat pocket, thinking that since I wear skinnier jeans it wouldn't be as noticeable. She could tell something was up and felt me reaching in the console for something, but I was able to hide it while helping her straighten her hoodie. (They really do come in handy!)
As we pull out of the parking lot, Amanda gets excited and laughs, "My Dad is probably laughing his head off that his team won tonight! I should call him!"
WHAT?!?
Have you ever seen those scenes in movies where the camera zooms really far away from the actor to show how small that actor is starting to feel compared to the rest of the world? That's what was happening to me. If she calls, they're going to think she's calling to tell them she's engaged and blow the whole secret!!!
Amanda notices my discomfort, "What's wrong Boo?" (She calls me that; it's my pet name) ((Yes, I love having a pet name))
"You probably should wait a while to call him, he wasn't feeling well last night, and he might not even be home from work yet." ...my feeble attempt at keeping her from making the call.
"What? You're silly.", she says as she dials and connects with her Dad.
I'm having trouble breathing again.
"Hi Dad! Wasn't that a crazy game!?"
I try cutting in, "Tell him Tim's taking you somewhere and you have no idea where yet because he said it's a surprise."
She's too distracted to hear me.
The conversation goes on for a few minutes of torture before the call finally ends, "Haha! Ok Dad, I'll talk to you later!"
Amanda leans over and says, "I love you", to a very quiet, shaken, nervous man...and again, I breathe a sigh of relief.
We pull up to the Grand Basin at Forest Park, where we shared our first kiss, and Amanda is smiling from ear to ear! I step out of the car, take the necklace gift bag out of the back hatch of my 2012 Ford Focus, and open her door to let her out, like a gentleman. She sees the bag, and gets really excited to be getting a gift.
"Our first game together, and now jewelry where we first kissed?!? Aw, your are so sweet! I can't imagine myself being with anyone else!"
This is going too perfect!
The fountains were sparkling in the glow of their internal spotlights, sky was clear as we pointed out constellations and planets, and the glow of the St Louis Art Museum in the background shaped this scene to be the perfect masterpiece for a proper proposal! It was around 10:00pm and we had the whole place to ourselves.
After reminiscing about that night we shared our first kiss, I turned her around to share another one. It felt even more magical than before! I was ready to pour out my heart.
"Amanda, I know how important it is for you that I ask for your father's blessing before I ask for your hand in marriage, and tonight I want to make a commitment to you that I love you and will care about you forever. I hope this necklace serves as a reminder to that commitment."
As she looks at me with full acceptance, now knowing this is a promise necklace, but completely oblivious that I am about to propose, I reach in the bag to pull out the heart shaped pendant and stone I'm about to put around her neck. In that moment of affection is when the blue and red flashers pierced through the darkness and the spotlight began tracing the gentle waves of the lake and architecture of its landscape.
A cop car decided to choose that very moment to patrol the area, unbeknownst to me being after hours in the park! With fountains at full speed and all the lights turned on, who was suppose to know it was closing time?!? We ran to hope to catch up to the cop - my mind thinking I could just pull him aside and let him know i was in the middle of proposing, and maybe let me finish - only getting to my car in time to see him driving away, leaving a $25 parking violation on my windshield.
This was NOT happening!
I was fuming, Amanda was flustered, and neither of us knew we could stay. I had no clue what to do now. Amanda's response over and over was that we could finish this another day, and that she really thought it was special that I wanted to make that commitment. Mine was to drive around in circles in Forest Park, tapping my hand on the armrest of my car in hopes that some idea would rush into my head. After all that I had been through already for her, there was no way I was going to put off asking her to marry me any longer!
We got on the interstate and I decided to ask Amanda where she would like to go that had special meaning to her. That wasn't something I wanted to ask, because I wanted to know i could come up with the location for this special moment, but I had to humble myself for this one. That was the best decision of the night. She told me she would love it if we went to the first place we met each other - her church. Faith Family Church in O'Fallon, Illinois has its own little lounge area outside with a fire-pit in the middle; perfect for the ending to this fairytale-come-true! I could finish my proposal to her there! The first thing i notice as we pull up is that the whole lounge area is not lit up, but we would try it anyway. Unfortunately, I sat her down on one of the chairs, which had soaked in the water of melted snow from the storm a few days before. She immediately popped up from the cold greeting it left her.
Yet there, in that parking lot of her church, stood one parking light - shining down over the place we first hugged and discovered each other's existence. It was under that light that I would propose. After reestablishing my commitment, I took the necklace out of its box and placed it around her delicate neck as she held up her beautifully flowing hair. The brightness of that parking light stood no match for the brightness from Amanda's smile, straight from the Hands of God. In this moment, I knew I was making the right decision.
"Amanda, I am not waiting for your father's blessing..."
"Wait, what?"
"...because I already have it."
Her confusion surfaced, and tears began to appear.
"I received a blessing not just from your Dad, but your Mom too, this morning. I no longer have to wait for this moment."
As I got down on one knee, Amanda's eyes filled with tears, and I could see my life spent with her played out in them.
"Ever since God brought you into my life, ever since Andrea and Tim introduced us to each other, and ever since we began sharing our lives together, my love for you has grown and continues to grow. I want that love to keep growing. Amanda Ciskowski, will you marry me?"
She said Yes!
That delicate ring fit perfectly around her finger as it replaced her True Love Waits band, and I got to hold my fiancé in my arms for the first time, sharing in each others tears of joy. That feeling makes everything else worth it. Every trial, every tribulation, and every ounce of happiness God allowed either of us to experience in our lives led us to each other! She is the blessing I thank God for every day.
As it turns out, everything worked out the way it was meant to, and even Amanda's Dad got his wish for the Predators to beat the Blues. I am overjoyed that my heart has found its true love!
I know it's the real deal because every proposal story I know of that lasts starts out as a "perfect" plan and ends up chock full of unpredicted obstacles. Amanda and I's story is filled with them from beginning to end; that's what makes our story that much more unique and unforgettable! If you'd rather not read about it I suggest taking your mouse or fingertip off the scroll button, because this one is for the books!
Amanda and I had been talking about taking the next step in our relationship for a while, so I really wanted to make our proposal special. Her family are MAJOR ice hockey fans and had been waiting very patiently for the NHL hockey season to get back into the swing of things. I had only been to one game in my entire life, and that was because a friend of mine treated me to a couple of tickets over a year ago when I was working for Bluedog Publishing, signing sponsors for a children's Christian values book distribution organization. In any case, taking Amanda to a Saint Louis Blues NHL Hockey game was definitely on the top of my list! One night, early last week, I asked Amanda which team she would love to see the Blues play against. I already had it up on my phone to order tickets from Stubhub.com; Blues vs. Kings would have been a great game and would give me plenty of preparation time, but I was really hoping she wouldn't know much about the Nashville Predators because they were going up against St Louis the next week!
"Oh, for sure the Nashville Predators!"
Great...her family had lived there for a short period of time, and come to find out, her father just so happened to be a Predators fan. She knew a LOT about them.
Obviously, I ordered the tickets.
The next step was ordering the ring. I had previously took her ring window shopping, so I had a list of ideas and what she liked. None of the choices really combined all that she wanted, but there was one that really made her eyes look like they'd just caught Jupiter and Saturn and spun them together into a masterpiece work of art greater than anything Monet or Michelangelo could have captured on canvas. As I walked in to the jeweler, I noticed they had just got a new design in for Valentine's Day. Low and behold, there before me was the ring that combined the heart shaped diamond that captured that look in her eyes with the thinnest, most delicate diamond lined band that would look perfect for any princess to wear, along with everything else on her list of what she loved in an engagement ring! No matter what, that one had to be the one, and I placed the order! Not to mention that by purchasing the ring, I could also get this gorgeous heart shaped necklace as a gift to go with it!
"What size?"
Wait...ok, I didn't think of that. How would one go about getting a ring size with such short notice??? Call her mom? Nope; Amanda never gave me her home phone number because she's hardly ever there, and only her dad has a cell phone...of which I don't have either. Sneak one of her other rings and have the jeweler size it? No time! If I wait another day, it won't be done in time for game day! The only option I have is to flat out ask her for it...and that's when the idea hit me.
Amanda answers her phone, "Hi Boo, what's up!?"
My idea in action, "Hey Sugarbean! I'm at the Christian bookstore looking for ideas of what to get you for Valentine's Day. Don't get any ideas, but...what did you say your ring size was again?"
What?!? Tim! What were you thinking?!? Don't get any ideas?!? As if that won't automatically give it away! And did you just lie about being in a Christian bookstore? Of all the places to make up, you had to chose a Christian bookstore?!? This can't end well...
"Oh, sure. 4 3/4."
It worked? IT WORKED!
So far so good! Ring ordered, necklace as a gift to top it off, tickets for Tuesday night's game are ready to go. Smooth sailing from here!
On Monday, I picked up the ring order. It looked amazing, and I knew it would look even more amazing on Amanda's finger!
Now I knew how important it was for me to ask for her parents' blessing, but more importantly her father's. Since Tuesday night was the big game, I didn't have much time! Monday night was pretty much the only option I had to sit down with Kim and David to talk with them about how much their daughter had changed my life, how I felt like I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and ask to become a part of their family. What was perfect was that Amanda wanted to watch the two hour special of NBC's The Bachelor, so while at her house I could find the opportunity to ask her mom if I could talk with her and her husband when David got home from work!
Time passes by, and The Bachelor stirs up more drama than the bubblies in a giant vat of boiling water, but no David.
The show ends and Amanda's dad still hasn't gotten home... "Hey! Let's watch Ratatouille!" - that was my immediate reaction to stretch the time even further in hopes to catch another opportunity. All of a sudden Amanda and her mother walks up to me after talking a bit, oblivious to my mission, and lets me know that David isn't feeling the best and wants to head straight to bed when he gets home, and out of respect Amanda decides we should call it an early night!
I'm frantic - heart racing like The Secretariat - as Amanda and I walk out to my car.
Now what do i do?!? Her dad goes in to work at noon; that's my deadline to get his blessing, otherwise this perfect plan for a proposal has to be put on hold. Immediately I initiate an impromptu plan B!
"Amanda, what if I were to propose to you one day and afterwards we go as a couple to talk with your parents and ask for their blessing together?"
This plan was fail proof! I also feel like asking the parent's blessing is important in moving forward in a relationship, and the idea of doing it together seemed extremely beautiful! Then Amanda pours her feelings out to me about how much it means to her that her future husband would go out of his way to ask for her father's blessing before ever proposing to her...and i could see it in her eyes as I wiped her passionate tears from her cheeks that my plan B was not as perfect as I thought it was.
Monday night has come to an end. My heart begins pumping something other than blood...I'm pretty sure it was all the air around me because there was none left for me to breathe.
I pull up to my house and sit with the radio off for about 15 minutes trying to come up with something. Finally, out of desperation, I decide to call Amanda's house and ask her parents for a time to talk in the morning. That's when it occurs to me that Amanda has never given me her home number, nor her Dad's number! Google quickly became my friend. I went into creeper mode for a second to look up her parents' names, and found their listing in the White Pages of YellowBook! I took one really deep breath, grasping for any ounce of air I could find, and called the number...not knowing one word of what to say if anyone were to answer, and what do you know?...
No answer.
...and the voicemail was an automated man saying simply, "No one is available at this number, please leave a message." I hung up. I didn't even know if the number I received was actually their number - and that was definitely not David's voice! The night had come and it was time to call it a night.
Tuesday morning, I woke up with one thing on my mind. If I didn't do something, I would have to wait longer to ask the woman that I love to spend the rest of my life with me. Why should one have to wait for something like that, especially when they know it's only by God that it was even possible to begin with!? I decided to call the mystery number again and after the third attempt, left a voicemail simply saying, "Kim and David, first I hope and pray that David is feeling better this morning, I have something very important I need to talk to you about. If there is any way possible we can meet please give me a call.", and left my number for them.
I had no clue if some random person I didn't know would get that message and be completely confused, but it had to be done.
Then I went to the mall to walk around and take my mind off of it for a while. I stopped in Journeys and asked my co-workers for advice - I work with a wide range of cultures and personalities, so it's a great group of people to get ideas from! I didn't have much time left so one idea I was having was to simply go to their house, knock on the door, and surprise them with the question. That idea was immediately shut down by everyone I brought it up to, including my mom when I texted her and asked if it was kosher. Everyone's reply was that I needed to be respectful and schedule a time to talk with them in person. That option was an hour and a half away from being impossible. Noticing that walking around the mall was not helping my racing heart, i drove to where Amanda lives and sat a few blocks away from her house to figure out what to do, and the last thing i could think of was to write her Dad a letter.
I searched around my car for one of the notebooks I usually have lying around for when I need something to write lyrics for new music down on, but this day, of all days, was the day I wouldn't be able to find one. Then I spotted it. The box of resume paper sticking out from under a coat in the back seat from when Fiat had asked for my application! That piece of parchment became the lifesaver for me that day! I poured out my heart in a page and a half, and with 30 minutes to spare I secured it under the windshield wipers of David's car for him to find on his way to work. My only option left was to leave everything else in God's hands, and I prayed.
I spent the next couple of hours sitting in a Jack In The Box, slowly eating my new addiction of .99 cent tacos while trying to be content with just presenting Amanda with the necklace as a promise to my commitment to her and enjoying our first hockey game together, and when I became settled in letting God have control...the phone rang!
Amanda's Mom, Kim, had called to apologize for not hearing the phone ring earlier and to let me know how excited she was to be able to call me her son-in-law! It hit me then that I was no longer simply attracted to a woman that had become my bet friend, but that I would be becoming a new part of her family! I couldn't keep my smile down as she told me the family loves me and that David would be calling me in about ten minutes!
Right when Kim had said her goodbye, Amanda calls in. At this point in time, I have about 8 minutes left before David is suppose to call, and Amanda cannot know what's going on, nor would it be a good thing for me to miss her Dad's call! I frantically try my best to kindly make our chat a short one and let her know I can't wait to see her later. As soon as our conversation ends, David's number shows up on my iPhone 4.
This is it. The moment of all moments. My heart is leaping out of my chest and everyone at Jack In the Box probably thinks those tacos are causing me heart failure.
The call was amazing! David tells me how thankful he was for the letter, and that he actually prefers talking to me about this over the phone and receiving my promise through the written word! He wanted to make it short before he went in to work, "Of course we would be honored for you to marry our daughter, and you have our blessing!" Then he jokingly ended with this, "...but you can only propose tonight if the Nashville Predators win against the Saint Louis Blues!"
I felt like I had just been dropped out of an airplane and fallen onto a planet made of memory foam pillows!
I breathed a huge sigh of relief and began to put everything together for a perfect evening. In a few hours, I'd be engaged to the love of my life!
After picking up my girlfriend, we headed to the Scott Trade Center for the game. The Blues were going to win for sure tonight! Everything was turning out so perfect! They bursted onto the ice with such excitement that everyone rose to their feet in cheer. Moments into the game, Amanda looks at me, gives me a kiss, and says, "This is the best game I've ever been to because you're here with me." To show their appreciation for us being their, the Blues start out by almost knocking the puck into their own goal.
That's when I realize this day of adventure is nowhere near over. The Blues have been having an amazing season so far, but this night they had shown up for wrong game. I think for a moment they thought they were playing life fooseball with how they maneuvered around. The final score was Predators - 6, Blues - 1. Amanda said it was the worst she had ever seen them play, but we had a great time hanging out anyway.
Now that the game was over, it was time for the second phase of the night to begin, and not short of even more surprises. On the way to the car, I realize that I had hid the ring in the center console of the car to keep it safe and out of view of the windows, which is a terrible place to get it out without Amanda seeing it. To create a distraction, I ask her if she's had a good evening, she says yes!, and I tell her the night is not over. She smiles really big as I ask her to put on her other coat because we are going to be outside for a little bit when we get where we are going. As she turns around, I reach in the console to move the ring to my coat pocket, thinking that since I wear skinnier jeans it wouldn't be as noticeable. She could tell something was up and felt me reaching in the console for something, but I was able to hide it while helping her straighten her hoodie. (They really do come in handy!)
As we pull out of the parking lot, Amanda gets excited and laughs, "My Dad is probably laughing his head off that his team won tonight! I should call him!"
WHAT?!?
Have you ever seen those scenes in movies where the camera zooms really far away from the actor to show how small that actor is starting to feel compared to the rest of the world? That's what was happening to me. If she calls, they're going to think she's calling to tell them she's engaged and blow the whole secret!!!
Amanda notices my discomfort, "What's wrong Boo?" (She calls me that; it's my pet name) ((Yes, I love having a pet name))
"You probably should wait a while to call him, he wasn't feeling well last night, and he might not even be home from work yet." ...my feeble attempt at keeping her from making the call.
"What? You're silly.", she says as she dials and connects with her Dad.
I'm having trouble breathing again.
"Hi Dad! Wasn't that a crazy game!?"
I try cutting in, "Tell him Tim's taking you somewhere and you have no idea where yet because he said it's a surprise."
She's too distracted to hear me.
The conversation goes on for a few minutes of torture before the call finally ends, "Haha! Ok Dad, I'll talk to you later!"
Amanda leans over and says, "I love you", to a very quiet, shaken, nervous man...and again, I breathe a sigh of relief.
We pull up to the Grand Basin at Forest Park, where we shared our first kiss, and Amanda is smiling from ear to ear! I step out of the car, take the necklace gift bag out of the back hatch of my 2012 Ford Focus, and open her door to let her out, like a gentleman. She sees the bag, and gets really excited to be getting a gift.
"Our first game together, and now jewelry where we first kissed?!? Aw, your are so sweet! I can't imagine myself being with anyone else!"
This is going too perfect!
The fountains were sparkling in the glow of their internal spotlights, sky was clear as we pointed out constellations and planets, and the glow of the St Louis Art Museum in the background shaped this scene to be the perfect masterpiece for a proper proposal! It was around 10:00pm and we had the whole place to ourselves.
After reminiscing about that night we shared our first kiss, I turned her around to share another one. It felt even more magical than before! I was ready to pour out my heart.
"Amanda, I know how important it is for you that I ask for your father's blessing before I ask for your hand in marriage, and tonight I want to make a commitment to you that I love you and will care about you forever. I hope this necklace serves as a reminder to that commitment."
As she looks at me with full acceptance, now knowing this is a promise necklace, but completely oblivious that I am about to propose, I reach in the bag to pull out the heart shaped pendant and stone I'm about to put around her neck. In that moment of affection is when the blue and red flashers pierced through the darkness and the spotlight began tracing the gentle waves of the lake and architecture of its landscape.
A cop car decided to choose that very moment to patrol the area, unbeknownst to me being after hours in the park! With fountains at full speed and all the lights turned on, who was suppose to know it was closing time?!? We ran to hope to catch up to the cop - my mind thinking I could just pull him aside and let him know i was in the middle of proposing, and maybe let me finish - only getting to my car in time to see him driving away, leaving a $25 parking violation on my windshield.
This was NOT happening!
I was fuming, Amanda was flustered, and neither of us knew we could stay. I had no clue what to do now. Amanda's response over and over was that we could finish this another day, and that she really thought it was special that I wanted to make that commitment. Mine was to drive around in circles in Forest Park, tapping my hand on the armrest of my car in hopes that some idea would rush into my head. After all that I had been through already for her, there was no way I was going to put off asking her to marry me any longer!
We got on the interstate and I decided to ask Amanda where she would like to go that had special meaning to her. That wasn't something I wanted to ask, because I wanted to know i could come up with the location for this special moment, but I had to humble myself for this one. That was the best decision of the night. She told me she would love it if we went to the first place we met each other - her church. Faith Family Church in O'Fallon, Illinois has its own little lounge area outside with a fire-pit in the middle; perfect for the ending to this fairytale-come-true! I could finish my proposal to her there! The first thing i notice as we pull up is that the whole lounge area is not lit up, but we would try it anyway. Unfortunately, I sat her down on one of the chairs, which had soaked in the water of melted snow from the storm a few days before. She immediately popped up from the cold greeting it left her.
Yet there, in that parking lot of her church, stood one parking light - shining down over the place we first hugged and discovered each other's existence. It was under that light that I would propose. After reestablishing my commitment, I took the necklace out of its box and placed it around her delicate neck as she held up her beautifully flowing hair. The brightness of that parking light stood no match for the brightness from Amanda's smile, straight from the Hands of God. In this moment, I knew I was making the right decision.
"Amanda, I am not waiting for your father's blessing..."
"Wait, what?"
"...because I already have it."
Her confusion surfaced, and tears began to appear.
"I received a blessing not just from your Dad, but your Mom too, this morning. I no longer have to wait for this moment."
As I got down on one knee, Amanda's eyes filled with tears, and I could see my life spent with her played out in them.
"Ever since God brought you into my life, ever since Andrea and Tim introduced us to each other, and ever since we began sharing our lives together, my love for you has grown and continues to grow. I want that love to keep growing. Amanda Ciskowski, will you marry me?"
She said Yes!
That delicate ring fit perfectly around her finger as it replaced her True Love Waits band, and I got to hold my fiancé in my arms for the first time, sharing in each others tears of joy. That feeling makes everything else worth it. Every trial, every tribulation, and every ounce of happiness God allowed either of us to experience in our lives led us to each other! She is the blessing I thank God for every day.
As it turns out, everything worked out the way it was meant to, and even Amanda's Dad got his wish for the Predators to beat the Blues. I am overjoyed that my heart has found its true love!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Kane and the West Side Missionary
I had the privilege of being invited to do a worship night at West Side Missionary Baptist Church last Sunday night. Amanda got to go with me, so obviously I had to plan a dedication song in my line-up. Everything, by Michael Buble, has become a cover song that I do - inspired by a request I sang at the wedding of a couple friends, Christian and Macey - and is now shared between Amanda and I because it expresses exactly how I feel about her. (Insert giant giggly smile here)
My song line-up was like this:
Eskimo
Lies
Amen (Chris August cover)
Unpredictable
Everything (Michael Buble cover)
Blind
Psalm 13
Indescribable (Chris Thomlin cover)
Take All of Me
Reign In Us (Starfield cover)
It was a pure joy to experience worship with all ages in the church! A friend of mine, Kristy, serves as their worship leader and arranged the whole concert. Her husband, Kane, shared his testimony with me after the night was finishing up.
When Kane was growing up, his attempt at church ended with the judgmental stares and comments by those that give church the bad image even the Pharisees and Sadducees offered when Jesus was on earth with His ministry. The issue was that in order to come into the temple courts, your image had to be acceptable in the eyes of judges. If you did not meet their standards, you faced ridicule. Jesus came to defy that approach to church; an example we see when he hung out with people like Matthew and Zacchaeus the tax collectors. Both gave several times more than they had stolen back to the people after giving their lives over to the Love that Christ offered! The entire church may not be to blame for carrying such judgmental standards, but the phrase "one or two apples can spoil the whole bunch" really does carry a heavy truth, and Kane fell out of church, as well as any curiosity to explore the Love of God.
Then Kristy entered Kane's picture.
Kristy was involved in the Missionary Baptist Church for a while and urged Kane to try it out with her. After a few invites, Kane had warmed up to the idea, and because of the love Kristy had shown, along with the welcome her church gave him as a new face in their church community, Kane's heart was softened to allow God to work. A little over a week ago, Kane accepted Christ and the adoption into His Family! The errors of a few can never get in the way of the work of our Heavenly Father!
and I got to worship with him! That's a true joy!
My song line-up was like this:
Eskimo
Lies
Amen (Chris August cover)
Unpredictable
Everything (Michael Buble cover)
Blind
Psalm 13
Indescribable (Chris Thomlin cover)
Take All of Me
Reign In Us (Starfield cover)
It was a pure joy to experience worship with all ages in the church! A friend of mine, Kristy, serves as their worship leader and arranged the whole concert. Her husband, Kane, shared his testimony with me after the night was finishing up.
When Kane was growing up, his attempt at church ended with the judgmental stares and comments by those that give church the bad image even the Pharisees and Sadducees offered when Jesus was on earth with His ministry. The issue was that in order to come into the temple courts, your image had to be acceptable in the eyes of judges. If you did not meet their standards, you faced ridicule. Jesus came to defy that approach to church; an example we see when he hung out with people like Matthew and Zacchaeus the tax collectors. Both gave several times more than they had stolen back to the people after giving their lives over to the Love that Christ offered! The entire church may not be to blame for carrying such judgmental standards, but the phrase "one or two apples can spoil the whole bunch" really does carry a heavy truth, and Kane fell out of church, as well as any curiosity to explore the Love of God.
Then Kristy entered Kane's picture.
Kristy was involved in the Missionary Baptist Church for a while and urged Kane to try it out with her. After a few invites, Kane had warmed up to the idea, and because of the love Kristy had shown, along with the welcome her church gave him as a new face in their church community, Kane's heart was softened to allow God to work. A little over a week ago, Kane accepted Christ and the adoption into His Family! The errors of a few can never get in the way of the work of our Heavenly Father!
and I got to worship with him! That's a true joy!
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Angela and the Midas Touch
Yesterday, I went to get a LOT done in Mount Vernon, Illinois. I took an overflowing basket of laundry with me too! The first place I stop is Mom and Dad's house. If you're a traveler like me, and make it a priority to visit your parents when you stop in your home town, you understand why it's important.
It was a half an hour before I realized I had been sitting and talking with my Dad and sister and my dirty laundry was still sitting in my car! After loading up the washer I took the Focus over to the Midas car service shop to have its oil and filter changed with a coupon my pops gave me. They let me know it would be 20 minutes before they could get it in, and another 45 minutes to service. I decided it was best to walk to K-Mart, visit some of my former co-workers from my first job days back in 2002, and buy a bag of Fritos Honey BBQ Flavore Twists so I could take out some cash using my debit card to pay for a hair cut. My hair appointment was at 1:00 - an hour from the time I left my Focus at Midas - plenty of time for me to use the parents' computer to e-mail my resume to someone I know through United Way - because I still have the hope of one day representing a not-for-profit organization as a career - and empty my inbox! As soon as I cleared the last of my 997 messages, the phone rang. Midas had finished getting my Focus back on track in less than 40 minutes, plenty of time for me to pick up my car and drive myself to the hair cut appointment instead of having to depend on a ride!
I walk in to pick up my car and Angela hands me my key. Angela greets you when you walk in the door to Midas and is the one that puts your information in their computer. She asked me if i was from around the area and I told her I was here visiting family and getting my laundry cleaned, and that I had come in from the St Louis area. That got her asking what I do "all the way up there", which brought up the topic of working for Journeys, following God in music ministry, and how God has been my Provider.
The door opened.
Angela told me about her daughter pursuing her education and the difficulties she faced being a supportive mother helping her daughter afford the pursuit. She started to tear up as she told how her daughter called home one day pleading for what to do, because the cost of books was higher than expected and, after paying for the tuition, did not have enough money in her account to pay for them.
Even Angela's whole paycheck wouldn't be enough to help her daughter's expenses and they both began to have concern in what to do next. After praying and crying out to God for answers, Angela looks into her daughter's bank account to see how everything was adding up. The total she found in the account shocked her!
$700+
Almost the same time she saw it, Angela's daughter was calling her. She answers the phone to her daughter saying she was looking at the same screen and discovered that her paycheck had somehow posted three days before it was suppose to! God had provided by speeding up time and depositing that paycheck before it would normally go through!
Angela's testimony serves as a reminder to me that God tells us in His Word to put Him to the test. He is not offended when we wrestle with Him as Jacob did; that's what makes our relationship stronger. It's when we let ourselves get to the point of not believing God will come through that we put up the barricades in our own lives and block His Spirit from being able to move. When we recognize that we are blind to God's works and can only trust Him with complete Faith, even when our head is full of questions, He is allowed to defy even the greatest miracle.
Angela and her daughter could have never known that paycheck would deposit early, but they prayed and praised God for the will He had laid out. Because of that faith, His name was lifted high and glorified.
I was almost late to my hair appointment, but I wouldn't have missed that testimony for the world. In the end, I got my dirty laundry washed cleaned, my head cleared, and my focus restored.
It was a half an hour before I realized I had been sitting and talking with my Dad and sister and my dirty laundry was still sitting in my car! After loading up the washer I took the Focus over to the Midas car service shop to have its oil and filter changed with a coupon my pops gave me. They let me know it would be 20 minutes before they could get it in, and another 45 minutes to service. I decided it was best to walk to K-Mart, visit some of my former co-workers from my first job days back in 2002, and buy a bag of Fritos Honey BBQ Flavore Twists so I could take out some cash using my debit card to pay for a hair cut. My hair appointment was at 1:00 - an hour from the time I left my Focus at Midas - plenty of time for me to use the parents' computer to e-mail my resume to someone I know through United Way - because I still have the hope of one day representing a not-for-profit organization as a career - and empty my inbox! As soon as I cleared the last of my 997 messages, the phone rang. Midas had finished getting my Focus back on track in less than 40 minutes, plenty of time for me to pick up my car and drive myself to the hair cut appointment instead of having to depend on a ride!
I walk in to pick up my car and Angela hands me my key. Angela greets you when you walk in the door to Midas and is the one that puts your information in their computer. She asked me if i was from around the area and I told her I was here visiting family and getting my laundry cleaned, and that I had come in from the St Louis area. That got her asking what I do "all the way up there", which brought up the topic of working for Journeys, following God in music ministry, and how God has been my Provider.
The door opened.
Angela told me about her daughter pursuing her education and the difficulties she faced being a supportive mother helping her daughter afford the pursuit. She started to tear up as she told how her daughter called home one day pleading for what to do, because the cost of books was higher than expected and, after paying for the tuition, did not have enough money in her account to pay for them.
Even Angela's whole paycheck wouldn't be enough to help her daughter's expenses and they both began to have concern in what to do next. After praying and crying out to God for answers, Angela looks into her daughter's bank account to see how everything was adding up. The total she found in the account shocked her!
$700+
Almost the same time she saw it, Angela's daughter was calling her. She answers the phone to her daughter saying she was looking at the same screen and discovered that her paycheck had somehow posted three days before it was suppose to! God had provided by speeding up time and depositing that paycheck before it would normally go through!
Angela's testimony serves as a reminder to me that God tells us in His Word to put Him to the test. He is not offended when we wrestle with Him as Jacob did; that's what makes our relationship stronger. It's when we let ourselves get to the point of not believing God will come through that we put up the barricades in our own lives and block His Spirit from being able to move. When we recognize that we are blind to God's works and can only trust Him with complete Faith, even when our head is full of questions, He is allowed to defy even the greatest miracle.
Angela and her daughter could have never known that paycheck would deposit early, but they prayed and praised God for the will He had laid out. Because of that faith, His name was lifted high and glorified.
I was almost late to my hair appointment, but I wouldn't have missed that testimony for the world. In the end, I got my dirty laundry washed cleaned, my head cleared, and my focus restored.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Bill the Retired Navy and Airforce Strategist
If I ever needed someone to cross my path it was yesterday, and God definitely knew it. I have been out of the blogging loop for a few months now simply because I had gotten so caught up with the blessing of being promoted to a co-manager of a retail store that I had no time for anything else. Relationships with friends, family, and my girlfriend all were not getting much quality time as an investment. (Yes, I said girlfriend! For those of you following my blog only and are now lost, I found the love of my life on Halloween night last year and couldn't be happier! That story to come later. ;D) Since taking the position, I resigned from my position as a Youth Pastor and got to experience, firsthand, what people meant by rebutting against my continual badgering about getting a job that doesn't keep you out of church; from September till the new year, I had only been to around three worship services. That's tricky for a guy that had always been so adamant about never working on Sundays! On top of it all, I slowly caused my health to deteriorate to the point of not being able to breathe. My body had been placed in an environment of constant stress and lack of rest. Music ministry became nonexistent as well, and my smile was barely definable underneath the constant feeling of fighting for my life.
I had to let go.
Letting go of the co-manager position meant returning to part time with around 15 to 20 hours a week at just a little over Missouri's minimum wage. In Illinois, that's practically considered unemployed, but the choice was as obvious as Jonah's as he sat in the belly of that giant fish. God wants me to be spiritually fed and to carry on His call in my life for music ministry. This is the season I am in.
When I have a need for a place to sleep at night, food on the table, transportation to get back and forth, and a way to stay connected, not knowing where a solid income will come from is a scary place to be. Being one that has been there many times, I really drudged experiencing it again.
A scarier place to be is where God isn't.
When I made the decision to step down, things really changed. My health almost immediately cleared up, communication with friends has reopened, God has placed a lot of opportunities in my life for pursuing talents as a musician, more quality time with Amanda, my beautiful and talented girlfriend, has strengthened our relationship, and who knows where the future will take us! ;)
Those blessings give me confidence in God, and gives me hope for my future, but it doesn't clear up the questions. I cannot continue to live under the roof of host families all of my life, I have to be able to afford transportation, home-cooked meals have not really been an option for me and needs to be, staying connected through social medias is a must for a music career, and nothing in our lost world is free.
Here's where the story of Bill begins.
I am sitting in McDonalds of Fairview Heights, Illinois, studying a road map of Illinois because I have this brilliant idea of how to be crafty with it and find a way to make wall decorations out of it to sell as merchandise on my website (a work in progress) because we are all going somewhere and what a better way to express how we all are connected as the Body of Christ along this path to somewhere than to hang clips of roadmaps on your wall?!? Basically, I am desperate to come up with a more supportive income as a starving, homeless musician that works 15 hours a week selling shoes.
This elderly man walks up in a coat made for a man twice as tall as he is, and a hat that may have been picked up as a free giveaway at a home or business expo. With a softness in his voice, he calmly asks if he can take a few minutes to burn away some of my time, of which if you've read any of my blog at all you know I automatically knew God had sent this man into my life for this moment and I could not refuse to listen.
Bill told me his story.
History.
...whichever you decide to call it.
Bill served for 17 years in the Navy firing giant artillery from the decks of ships during World War 2. One cold night his ship was hit and the captain made the decision for everyone to jump. If his captain had made the call any later, there would not have been enough time for Bill to swim far enough away from the ship to not get sucked under by the massive tons of metal sinking to the ocean floor, and he would not have made it out to be able to tell me his story in McDonalds yesterday.
After serving a while in the Navy, the reserves split and formed the opportunity to be a part of an air force, so he inquired about being transferred in to serve in a new capacity. As it turned out, they found him a perfect candidate to come up with tactics for getting troops in and out safely, to make sure as few lives as possible were lost. Bill did not have much of an education because his father was a farmer that had told him, "You don't need any other education than what you get at home. If you have any questions you can ask me. I have all the answers you'll need with my third grade education." Back then all you needed to know was how to tend the family farm.
Because Bill grew a desire to learn, he ended up using his experience and knowledge from extended training to save thousands of lives with a tactic that rescued troops from the line of fire in Vietnam. He received metals for his heart, of which he questioned because he never knew he had saved so many lives till they told him about how his plan worked.
Bill has two daughters. One has been called to the mission field several times and recently felt the need to take supplies to villages in Africa. He and his other daughter agreed to support her cause by donating what they could in non-perishable foods and other goods. Bill was able to to round up about $100 in groceries, and his daughter managed to talk companies and retailers into donating a total of around $21000 in goods to send over. She agreed to pay for the donations to be shipped over seas and away Bill's daughter went to hand deliver them, because she wanted to make sure they would all get to the right people. Both of Bill's daughters have blessed him with grandchildren, all of which are being brought up with the same kind of heart for thinking of others before themselves.
Bill told me about being baptized in a Baptist church, but that his faith in Christianity was tarnished by a TV evangelist that he had come to respect one day proclaiming that you were nothing unless you belonged to a Baptist church. After turning off the TV, he began to turn to research other religions and came to the conclusion that not one of them were perfect, but all had good morals woven in and believed in positive things. God opened the door right there for me to share with him the God I serve is higher than any religion, and this Creator of all wants a personal relationship with Him instead of just being a Ruler of our lives. He listened with respect, and with tears in his ears told me he was glad we crossed paths.
Then Bill said something to me that has changed the way I am looking at life. He said through everything he has been through - coming back from service and feeling like "home" wasn't really home anymore after being gone so long at sea, and 20 years ago loosing his wife to cancer - he has learned that there are many ways to do things, and when we feel like we've found the best way to do something, someone else will come along soon and find a way to do it even better. But his message was clear: always look for new ways to learn, and be one to make a change. This is the statement he made that sticks with me:
"Try, try, try again. When that doesn't work, flip it over and look at it from the other side. Then try, try, and try again."
I will not give up. When God nudges, it's time to move.
I had to let go.
Letting go of the co-manager position meant returning to part time with around 15 to 20 hours a week at just a little over Missouri's minimum wage. In Illinois, that's practically considered unemployed, but the choice was as obvious as Jonah's as he sat in the belly of that giant fish. God wants me to be spiritually fed and to carry on His call in my life for music ministry. This is the season I am in.
When I have a need for a place to sleep at night, food on the table, transportation to get back and forth, and a way to stay connected, not knowing where a solid income will come from is a scary place to be. Being one that has been there many times, I really drudged experiencing it again.
A scarier place to be is where God isn't.
When I made the decision to step down, things really changed. My health almost immediately cleared up, communication with friends has reopened, God has placed a lot of opportunities in my life for pursuing talents as a musician, more quality time with Amanda, my beautiful and talented girlfriend, has strengthened our relationship, and who knows where the future will take us! ;)
Those blessings give me confidence in God, and gives me hope for my future, but it doesn't clear up the questions. I cannot continue to live under the roof of host families all of my life, I have to be able to afford transportation, home-cooked meals have not really been an option for me and needs to be, staying connected through social medias is a must for a music career, and nothing in our lost world is free.
Here's where the story of Bill begins.
I am sitting in McDonalds of Fairview Heights, Illinois, studying a road map of Illinois because I have this brilliant idea of how to be crafty with it and find a way to make wall decorations out of it to sell as merchandise on my website (a work in progress) because we are all going somewhere and what a better way to express how we all are connected as the Body of Christ along this path to somewhere than to hang clips of roadmaps on your wall?!? Basically, I am desperate to come up with a more supportive income as a starving, homeless musician that works 15 hours a week selling shoes.
This elderly man walks up in a coat made for a man twice as tall as he is, and a hat that may have been picked up as a free giveaway at a home or business expo. With a softness in his voice, he calmly asks if he can take a few minutes to burn away some of my time, of which if you've read any of my blog at all you know I automatically knew God had sent this man into my life for this moment and I could not refuse to listen.
Bill told me his story.
History.
...whichever you decide to call it.
Bill served for 17 years in the Navy firing giant artillery from the decks of ships during World War 2. One cold night his ship was hit and the captain made the decision for everyone to jump. If his captain had made the call any later, there would not have been enough time for Bill to swim far enough away from the ship to not get sucked under by the massive tons of metal sinking to the ocean floor, and he would not have made it out to be able to tell me his story in McDonalds yesterday.
After serving a while in the Navy, the reserves split and formed the opportunity to be a part of an air force, so he inquired about being transferred in to serve in a new capacity. As it turned out, they found him a perfect candidate to come up with tactics for getting troops in and out safely, to make sure as few lives as possible were lost. Bill did not have much of an education because his father was a farmer that had told him, "You don't need any other education than what you get at home. If you have any questions you can ask me. I have all the answers you'll need with my third grade education." Back then all you needed to know was how to tend the family farm.
Because Bill grew a desire to learn, he ended up using his experience and knowledge from extended training to save thousands of lives with a tactic that rescued troops from the line of fire in Vietnam. He received metals for his heart, of which he questioned because he never knew he had saved so many lives till they told him about how his plan worked.
Bill has two daughters. One has been called to the mission field several times and recently felt the need to take supplies to villages in Africa. He and his other daughter agreed to support her cause by donating what they could in non-perishable foods and other goods. Bill was able to to round up about $100 in groceries, and his daughter managed to talk companies and retailers into donating a total of around $21000 in goods to send over. She agreed to pay for the donations to be shipped over seas and away Bill's daughter went to hand deliver them, because she wanted to make sure they would all get to the right people. Both of Bill's daughters have blessed him with grandchildren, all of which are being brought up with the same kind of heart for thinking of others before themselves.
Bill told me about being baptized in a Baptist church, but that his faith in Christianity was tarnished by a TV evangelist that he had come to respect one day proclaiming that you were nothing unless you belonged to a Baptist church. After turning off the TV, he began to turn to research other religions and came to the conclusion that not one of them were perfect, but all had good morals woven in and believed in positive things. God opened the door right there for me to share with him the God I serve is higher than any religion, and this Creator of all wants a personal relationship with Him instead of just being a Ruler of our lives. He listened with respect, and with tears in his ears told me he was glad we crossed paths.
Then Bill said something to me that has changed the way I am looking at life. He said through everything he has been through - coming back from service and feeling like "home" wasn't really home anymore after being gone so long at sea, and 20 years ago loosing his wife to cancer - he has learned that there are many ways to do things, and when we feel like we've found the best way to do something, someone else will come along soon and find a way to do it even better. But his message was clear: always look for new ways to learn, and be one to make a change. This is the statement he made that sticks with me:
"Try, try, try again. When that doesn't work, flip it over and look at it from the other side. Then try, try, and try again."
I will not give up. When God nudges, it's time to move.
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