Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Monday, February 20, 2012

Potent

Instead of separating out all the "counseling" I've done these past few weeks, the thought occurred to me that it all relates to one thing; i can relate to everyone's issues in some way or another. This is not a joyous truth, and this blog entry is harder to write than any of the rest, because I know that every one of my scars is a smudge on the mirror image of Christ that I am suppose to be. I am a firm believer in life being lived as an open book, so if I am to follow my own advice, I shouldn't be glueing any pages together so they cannot be read. This is not a permission for anyone to be ok with making these choices on their own as long as they are willing to own up to their consequences. This is a warning to all that these consequences are not small. They are bacteria that replace purity with the infectious disillusions of pure joy, and use your flesh to fertilize their eggs of memories that give birth to heartbreak for the rest of your human life,

You have a drug addiction? Porn addiction? Alcohol addiction? Technology addiction? Struggle with lust? Lying? Stabbing people in the back, or feel the knife of the one who is doing it to you? Boss others around to compensate for your own inadequacy? Give generously to others to hide your own selfishness? Have you given yourself away before marriage because you decided it wasn't worth the wait, or treated marriage lightheartedly, with no sacrifices? Used friends as a network to gain success? Have you ever thought about suicide? Attempted it? Ever told loved ones you never wanted to speak to them again? Ever tell them their opinion didn't matter? Have you ever tried to put God in a box by saying He could only exist in one kind of music? Ever felt like you had to tell someone you know you shouldn't cuss so much? Are there just some people you could never hang out with? If your brother couldn't pull himself away from the bar, would you refuse to sit with him? Have you ever given God the last of the time or paycheck you have, instead of the first? Do you try to rush relationships the way you want them to go, instead of letting them grow naturally through the hands of God?

In some way or another, I cannot answer no to any of these questions. I am as guilty as the sins I have committed and allowed to trap me in the web of its deceit. But I rejoice in the saving power of God's grace! It is not automatic; We can't abuse His offer and expect to be wiped clean. His offer is for us to give ourselves, entirely, over to Him, so that He can rebirth us as a new creation, pure, holy, and blameless in His image! I am blessed to say being reborn is the experience of true joy I had searched so long for, but new spiritual life does not wash away the consequences I must live with. It is a blessing to be able to share God's Love with anyone who has suffered the same addictions and disease that have ravished me, but knowing that pain you bare drives me to the most painful of tears.

It use to be a question in me as to how Jesus cried tears of blood as He wept for the sacrifice He was destined to make for us to receive eternal life, but even I could not bare the load of sin He has carried of the world.

Of all the experience I wish I could say I couldn't relate to, the most painful is that I can relate to the feeling of allowing others to make their own mistakes, and claim it be the beat way to learn from them. How could I wish this pain on anyone?

It is only by the Love of God that I can make it through each day, feeling joy for the life He has created me to live, and having victory over the sin I once knew! I want you all to know I continue to learn how to better pray for all, to share God's mercy with all, in the hopes of sharing an eternity with all, free from the bondage and decay of this world.

I know the blemishes of my mirror image of Christ can easily lead others in the wrong direction, which is why I am daily going through the wash; in hopes that these blemishes will fade, so His true image can be more easily seen in me. I would gladly take an extra helping hand to wash my mirror, which is why I so humbly offer to lend a hand of encouragement to others as they continue to allow God to cleanse their mirrors of their own potent stains.

God, forgive me, I knew not what to do, but now I know of my own weakness, and You alone have the strength to shape me into Your creation! I am so thankful for the new life You have given for me. I pray that my actions do not lead others away from You, but rather beams with the unspeakable joy that floods the heart You've given me!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

A Pile of Thought

There have been so many issues I have either experienced or dealt with over the past few weeks, I haven't been able to figure out where to separate them all in this blog!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

My Visit to Pekin, Illinois

Did I ever mention I got a new 2012 Ford Focus?  I never dreamed I'd say I'd drive a Focus, but the new design is amazing!  I got to really put the car to the test over the weekend, driving over 400 miles!

My cousin, Garrand C, had got in touch with me a while back about their church wanting to host a Youth Revival, and I got to talk to his pastor, Randy G, about the plans; Saturday night concert, and message on Sunday morning.  This was going to be a great opportunity to not only connect with more people God was putting in my path to meet, but to reconnect with family as well!

I was invited to come up one day early for a hockey game in Peoria, so I made the trip up to Pekin on Friday.  Back up for a second....Before leaving town I decided to stop at Fairview Heights' new Wendy's.  I had about a half an hour before I really had to be on the road, so it was going to be a time where I could eat in and relax before the long drive.  I was second in line! YES!  I order my 1/2 pound double Baconater combo meal, plain....and wait....it is interesting to watch as the next three FAMILIES get their food before me.  Meanwhile, the workers behind the counter keep glancing at me like, "what is he still doing here?" 

Finally, one of them asks if they can help me.  Out of my politeness and lack of wanting to be rude, I simply ask if they may want to check on a previously ordered Baconater combo had ever shown up on their screens.  After backing up the order screen, they find mine, and realise they had passed it up.  After waiting 35 minutes, I had to have them make it to go, but they made up for it by giving me double the fries and a vanilla Frosty.  (I wish I could tell you how difficult it is to eat a vanilla Frosty while driving)  This was going to be a fun meal to eat, considering it was starting to show signs of snowing up north, and the weather did not disappoint.

When I pulled into town, I met with the pastor and his wife first.  The North Pekin Church of the Nazarene has an amazing parsonage!  Right when you walk in the door you're met with a stairway that leads to the upstairs bedrooms. (I've been told that is to make sure the church always has a youthful leader) Pastor Randy sports different hooks for his right hand because of a machinery accident from a job he had years ago, so I switched to my left hand for the shake.  Randy and his wife, Dara, have two girls and one boy.  What a blessing it was to meet their family!  I got to ride with them to the game, because they had my ticket.

The hockey game was the Peoria Rivermen Verses the Lake Erie Monsters.  My first thought, being that I am a word play kinda guy, is that these names would be more suited for swimming or boating sports, because the ice makes "rivermen" and "lake monsters" seem much less frightening.  Right when we walked up to our seats, I found out that my seat was right next to even more family I hadn't seen in a while; my cousin, Kim, and her son, Dillon!  Garrand, his wife, Tracy, their two daughters, Cadence and Riley, and one of their sons, Collin, sat behind me.  It didn't take long and the game started out with a fight; a Riverman fighting a Monster.  Game. On!  What was wild was that the refs literally just stood on either side, almost cheering the two guys on as they kept beating each other...I guess it was a way to get the crowd pumped for the rest of the game, but I would have hated to be in the middle of it.

I made two new friends while I was watching the game; Jarrod and his friend. (if they ever read this, I apologize for not remembering his name, or if I spelled Jarrod wrong)  I learned more about the difference between liquor and beer than I ever wanted to know, and the list of pointers I was given for "how to have a girl coming at you from every angle" was longer than I could count.  Jarrod thought Kim was "with me", and since my new friend was drunk, it took him a while to understand that we weren't.  The rest of the night, I was excited to meet Jarrod's girlfriend, but she never showed up.  (must not be a big fan of hockey)  What was cool about these guys was that when one got up for concessions, the other would make sure neither got lost along the way.  It was great to watch two friends have each others' backs, and they were this way to others as well.  Towards the end of the night, they were showing concern about a friend of theirs caught up in an apparent misunderstanding, so they decided it would be best to call him and talk him out of making a big mistake.  Not trying to eavesdrop on the conversation, I heard the occasional, "take a deep breath", "I'm totally on your side", "causing pain won't solve anything", and "you're a bigger man for calming down".  Even though Bud Light may have caught its two victims with intoxication, I saw two guys that were great at being true friends, and before we left the game, I had the privilege of praying with Jarrod.  He inspired me with another example of loyalty.

Oh yea!  the game ended something like 5-4, Lake Erie.  I guess the Rivermen really creamed them in a previous game, 4-0, and this was their response.

I got to stay with Garrand and his family over the weekend.  They set me up with a cot in their new basement, which was really cool! (cool as in awesome, not cold; it wasn't really cold) They literally finished their basement for my arrival.  I am beyond belief about how loving my family is!  There was a Ping-Pong table folded up against the wall; if I would have had more time, I would have totally challenged them to a game of, but that'll have to wait till the next trip!  I also got to see their other son, Spencer, who was downstairs rackin up the kills playin what looked to be one sweet action game.  At first, the cot looked extreemly comfortable...it wasn't until 5am Sunday morning that I finally discovered the "sweet spot" where it didn't feel so rigid...but with the extra blankets, it was such a blessing to have a place to sleep!  God provides, and my family went out of their way to give me a place to stay.

Garrand has a home office, and when he gave me the quick tour, he said I get to autograph his wall.  (Everyone that visits gets to!)  Apparently, I had been there before.  My name was on there from the summer of 1999; I was also into Ty Beannie Babies at the time, because, embarassingly, I had written "I *heart* Beannie Babies" next to my name.  I still have all of those stuffed in a shoebox somewhere.  For the life of me I could not remember being there before, but as it turns out I had gone with my sister, Heather, and her husband, Terry, once before.

Saturday started out with bacon and eggs for breakfast. (deliscious!) The family's dog's, a giant Schnauzer and a German Shephard, met me as I was coming up the stairs.  After breakfast, I drove with Collin to their church for worship practice.  Collin is gifted at piano and plays for the worship team.  He has also studies hardcore french, and works as a french translator for a company, close to home.  But it wasn't too long ago that he was living in France for his studies.  He plans on moving back, most likely for the long term, possibly as an English teacher.  He is a few years younger than me, but you never know how much you share in common with extended family members until you spend time around them for a weekend.  There were several times we were told we look alike, and many of our same interests in music, style, food, and personality are similar.  Nothin like two cool guys riding to worship practice in a Ford Focus, while talking about France and the girlfriend he may have there when he gets back, haha!  As it turns out, I probably would not look out of place if I made it a vacation destination someday.

North Pekin's worship team consists of a piano, an accoustic guitar, electric guitar, steel guitar, drums, and three vocalists.  I loved working with them!

I shared lunch with Garrand and Collin at Five Guys in Peoria.  Five Guys needs no explaination, it speaks for its own american style amazement.  When we got back to their house, we plopped down on the couches and watched Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End.  I still don't understand why the Spaniards felt the need to destroy everything at the end.  After the movie, we ate pizza and headed to the church.

Saturday night was fantastic!  There may have been around 15 of us there, but everyone came to worship God.  We started out with all worship in song with:

Go, Make A Difference (originally by Steve Angrisano)
Reign In Us  (originally by Starfield)
Indescribable (originally by Chris Tomlin)
Psalm 13 (originally by King David, but respun as one of my new originals)

and finished the night with some of my originals:

Lies
Coming Home
Take All of Me
Hemi
Unpredictable
Time

We ended by singing Reign In Us again and then had a circle of prayer.  Tears were shared and God's Spirit was lifted high.  That's what positive worship is all about!


Sunday morning, for breakfast, I experienced Cream Cheese Filled Butter Bread Twist.  If you've never had it before, STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING, FIND SOME, AND TRY IT NOW!  There is no better way to start the day than that. 

For worship Sunday morning, Collin played the keys, Richard was on his steel guitar (in my top ten for instruments for sure!), Spencer was on drums, Kim brought the vocals along with Garrand, who was also on electric guitar,  Alfredo added his fillipino style to the accoustic guitar, and I joined in with my Cajon drum.  One of my favorite aspects of sharing music worship with churches is when I can feel the whole church singing together.  The feeling of God's breath and movement through His Church is so inspiring!  The atmosphere was perfect for the message God spoke through me about worship.

To end the weekend, we ate at an Italian restaurant (because we ended up on the big screen at the hockey game and won $5 coupons!)  for lunch.  My Shrimp and Seafood Fedduccini was beyond deliscious, and the prices were not at all bad! 

All in all, it was a weekend to remember!  A three hour drive, worth every mile.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Little Big Town

I grew up in Mt Vernon, Illinois. (shout out, hollah back yo!) It is one of those towns where its small enough that everyone says they know everybody, but it's not till you've lived outside of it for a while that you realise how big it really is. I decided to make a trip there today, and I am sitting in the high school gymnasium watching my high school mascot Rams defeating Decatur, and I don't recognize but maybe a handful of people. My hands are bigger than most, alien like even, but just like anyone else, there aren't many people that can fit in my hands...so a handful is not very many.
I think it's safe to say that I've been gone a while. It feels good to come back home and still feel like there are more people you could meet!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

New Keyboard: Yamaha PortaSound

I have been praying for a new keyboard for a while now.  God answers our prayers in only the way we can't help but praise His name for!  One of the ladies from our church came up to me last week and asked if I could use a keyboard and that she wanted to give me one.  I had no idea what to expect, but if you know me, I looooove odd instruments!  I've never seen anything like this one from Yamaha, and I am blessed to be able to share it with you all!  I will forever be thankful for God working through someone to give me such an awesome gift! 

I went looking for a stand to set it on, and Guitar Center had a piano stand sitting all by its lonesome in the shadows. It was kinda dusty and webbed up, but for the $4.99 pricetag it had hanging from it, I couldn't pass it up!  She looks good all cleaned up, and now I'm set for traveling!

East St. Louis. At Night!

I did a week of training with three really cool guys through Auffenberg Autogroup,: Brian, Rob, and Chris. I call them B Young, DJ, and Brumbo.  Brian, aka B Young, lives in East St Louis.  We checked out the St Louis auto show and I provided the ride, which meant dropping him off at his house at around 10pm.  I want to declare right now that more people should give the East Lou a chance!  It may not be the best looking side of the area, but it's not the automatic kill-zone most people make it out to be.  There are a lot of great people there, and as long as you're not there to cause trouble, you'll be just fine. 

That being said, I probably wouldnt stay there for long periods of time that late at night, but I've seen worse neighborhoods I also felt the same way about, it's fairly simple to find your way through the streets, and I am really blessed to have friends from all over.

I'm more uncomfortable with the neighborhoods that are rude to teens door-knocking for fundraisers to raise money for missions trips and church events.  As a firm believer in balance, this world would look a lot different if we didn't play favorites and were willing to lend a hand to each other, instead of automatically assuming everyone is out to get us.

St. Louis 2012 Auto Show

I have never been to an actual car show where they showcase new and upcoming models, so when I was invited to attend last Friday, I was beyond excited!  At the same time, with my current challenge to become better at investing in friendships, I had the opportunity to spend time with Brian from East Saint Louis.  Men need other manly men to go with to car shows, that's just the plain and simple truth.























Jilly's Cupcake Bar

So, Friday I got to hang out with Maddy and Dalton from my church, and we randomly decided to try out the cupcake place that was featured on Food Network's Cupcake Wars, Jilly's Cupcake Bar, because, low and behold, it happens to be on Delmar Street in the Lou (St. Louis)!

At first I was like, whoa!, because these things are a little more than 5 bucks for one cupcake, but it doesn't take long to realise these aren't just any cupcakes.  They are about three times the size of your average cupcake, and each one is made with a special batter and filled with multiple different creams.  The icing is combines with cream cheese or cheesecake, and everything else tops it off with a one of a kind experience you have to taste to understand.  (the list goes on, but I only tried 2.  They get artsy with their creations, so I don't want to spoil the mystery.  Future blog material?!?)

I tried one with cheesecake and caramel filling, and another made from red velvet cake, caramel filling, and cream cheese topping.  Needless to say, I was having a When Harry Met Sally experience, and that pretty much says it all right there.

Their bigger size was kinda hard to manage, and they were pretty rich in taste, but they stay fresh for days and never dry out, making it perfect to divide up into more than one snacktime!  So when everything is said and done, I give Jilly's a perfect 10 for oober goodness.

2012 VW Beetle

God is my broski with the mostki! 

I got to test drive a 2012 VW Beetle last Friday.  Here's what I think:
  • Quiet interior; like when your home ec teacher back in high school told everyone to "lay flat, close your eyes, loosen all of your muscles, and take a trip to a secluded beach, where it's just you and the peaceful sky"... or maybe that was my imagination...either way, I was smiles!
  • Perfect sound; VW and Fender have now teamed up with some sweet sound systems for the vehicle line!  I felt like no matter what I had playing in that car was a live performance concert!
  • Quick response; if you can relate to me, I typically have to write a letter explaining why I feel acceleration is important in no less than 100 words, turn it in to my car's apparent administrative assistant who then piles the letter in its giant inbox, what for my car to consider adopting the bill, and hope it passes through all branches of its government, before being able to implement a step by step plan of how to get the yacht that I'm driving from 0-60 in less than 3 days.  We all have places to go, and we need a car that wants to get us there...the new Beetle totally agrees!  It may look like just a cute little wind up toy from the outside, but its begging for thrills under the hood!
  • Tight turning radius; Missing a turn or trying to find your way through a place you've never been before is near impossible to correct and navigate behind the wheel of a yacht on the road.  When the Beetle needs to make an adjustment, it's already done before you realize you were going the wrong way.  I felt confident behind that wheel!
  • German engineering; If there is one thing I love about VW, its that my German brothers and sisters only know how to make a car by interlocking every piece together, and somehow keeping it seamless so you wont even leak if you drive off a cliff into the waters below. (Please, don't test that thought.) Just by sitting in it, I felt safe and secure, being able to see how everything about that body was beautifully engineered. 
All in all, I didn't have the opportunity to purchase the car do to it being currently out of my budget, but I would highly recommend it to anyone!  9 out of 10 for my rating, and the only reason it's not a 10 is because there are a lot faster cars out there, but for economics, it's perfect.