A Quiet Place

I really could use a quiet place right now but I literally have no privacy. I feel like i have no way out.

I passed several siderails along the road driving back to the city...and thought about driving off the road into them every time i passed one. That's where i am. I literally play those scenes out in my head everywhere I go. Music take my mind off of those thoughts and brings me to a different place, but I have been so active all week that right now i just want to lock myself in a room where no one is in my face about how Im doing. I feel like i have no way out.

My "style" has given me a sense of identity because i don't feel like i have one, and whatever identity i do have i don't know how to define it.

Many of you will probably respond to this by saying you have the answer: accepting a temporary job just to get me on stable feet financially, trusting in God through tough times, praying, reading the bible, become a "working man" because that's apparently what we are "suppose" to be.

Let me set that list straight. I work hard in everything I take on. God has allowed me to go through a ridiculous amount of personal experience so that I am no longer selfish with my actions because of laying it all completely on the altar in front of Him. I refuse to allow myself to fall short by doing exactly what sin chained us to: the CONSEQUENCE of our sin was to work and toil the land in hopes to feel successful. God frees us of our sin and shapes us into His freedom. He brings us back to our original intended purpose; to Love Him, worship Him, and be the caretakers of His beautiful creation.

Are each of us the same type of care taker? No. Adam invested his time and energy into caring for a garden of Eden, where life flowed through and provided nourishment for everything in it. His task was to be creative with the garden and everything in it, for the purpose of it also being a worship to God. He named the animals according to how he could glorify God by how they were created by His hands. He was given a companion to support him in those efforts and provide her creativity in this investment as well.

It amazes me how much we continue to feel like we are dependent on our own power rather than what God provides us, and that truth is soooooooooooo hard to handle.

Now you all know the real me.

Through so much prayer and meditation many will never know the time invested, God has pointed in the direction of finishing my bachelor's degree and attaining it through Greenville College with a Music Business Concentration, serving in music ministry, and being an encourager for others to find places to invest their talents for the glory of God. I am so blessed to have the opportunity of witnessing others finding true joy and peace in the use of what God has given them to serve with.

I need that from others too.

Yet, although the world says one thing, and it begins crushing me with it's opposing direction to God's, I will praise Him! For He saves me from the deepest shadows of darkness. When my mind races with ways to put my own end to the monotonous struggles of this earthly life, my Father in Heaven reminds me of the glory of the power He has to pull me out of that miry pit and keeps my head above it so I can breath. It gets close sometimes, especially when what I am suppose to be able to trust in the most, here on earth, fails me, but my hand is in God's; the Alpha and Omega, Beginning and the End, Omnipotent Ruler, King of all the other kings of earth! In Him there is the promise of a complete future!

I witnessed as child after child stepped forward on their own this week at Children's Camp, with no prodding before-hand, to praise God by telling others their age (grades 2-6) to stand strong and live for Jesus no matter what the cost; no matter what their circumstances are when they get home from camp, no matter how much hope the world takes away from them, to stand. I am 26 and I do face the feelings of being a failure, but when I see children being this strong, how can I stay faint? It is in my weakness that God has the opportunity to show His strength!

This blogpost started out as a venting, and again a thanks for God providing ways to unclutter my mind of all the damaging thoughts that run through it, but it ends with me giving a reminder and a worship to the One who gives me life.

IN CHRIST THERE IS HOPE ETERNAL.